remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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