so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
