i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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