I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
