that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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