booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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