Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
