i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
