so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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