I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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