he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
