Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
