shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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