Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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