Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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