he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My cat gives me a boner
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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