Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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