I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
