somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If its not for food we ain't going out.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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