Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
