I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
