I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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