Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
