I cannot find my penis.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
