hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
