what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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