Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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