Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
