We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
