He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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