Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
