there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
