so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
