You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
