It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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