what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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