If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
