with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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