why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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