I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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