Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
