i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
