I think I won the penis lottery.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
