why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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