Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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