she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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