theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
