Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
