awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
