so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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